“Don’t Wear Dirty Underwear,” she says as I walk out the door…

terrorist captured

I can hear my mother now, “Always wear clean underwear because you never know when you might end up in an accident.”

I didn’t really think much about this until the Northridge earthquake years ago when there were images everywhere of half-naked injured people being carted off on stretchers with tattered “wife-beater” shirts and brown underwear. Yes, she was right. Lesson learned.

What I should have realized at the time was that this applied to all clothing at all times. I had an army green colored long sleeve shirt that had been hanging in my closet for years. I don’t remember who bought it for me, probably a colorblind aunt or something, but every time I pulled it out to wear, I immediately took it off and hung it back up.

ugly shirt

A couple of years ago, I was in a hurry to make the next showing of a movie at the mall and grabbed the first shirt I could get my hands on out of my closet. As fate would have it, I grabbed the green glob from hell. I must have had a half dozen men with crew cuts salute me as I walked by, not to mention the few fashion police who just shook their heads and rolled their eyes.

That got me to thinking: what if I was suddenly thrown into the spotlight and experienced my fifteen minutes of fame with that damn shirt on? Can you imagine what it would be like to live the rest of your life with that one image of yourself plastered all over the news and Internet? I can hear the neighbors now smirking under their breath, jokes in the bathroom stalls on Monday morning, my embarrassed children blushing…well, that wouldn’t be a first.

christmas sweater

I don’t normally offer advice in my blogs but I will make the exception this time. My advice to all of you out there is to get rid of every goofy looking shirt, checkered pair of pants, and ragged pair of underwear NOW. Get rid of them all, even that tacky looking Christmas sweater must go…okay, I’ll make an exception and keep that one, and maybe the bellbottoms…you never know when they might come back in style…and I might need that polyester shirt for Halloween…


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