Study Shows That People Who Have Affairs Also Cheat Death

I bet if they if they did a little more research, they’d find that many of those who cheated on their spouse and were caught met a swift death.

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

cheatA new study published by Western Maine Medical Center, in conjunction with the University of Maine in Bar Harbor, refutes the longtime claim that cheaters never prosper.

According to the report, 73% of Mainers who were classified by researchers as “having cheated death” also admitted to having been unfaithful in a long term relationship.

“We stumbled upon this theory quite by chance,” Dr. Jennifer Altman, who heads the WMMC Research Department, told this Modern Philosopher.  “Three years ago, our Emergency Department saved the lives of a couple horrifically injured in an automobile accident.  We assumed they were married, but when their respective spouses showed up in the ED, we realized we had been wrong.”

According to Dr. Altman, one of the nurses sarcastically grumbled about cheaters cheating death.  That comment stuck with one of the doctors, who recalled a case from a few months earlier where a woman almost died…

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Cultural Differences – Gargleblaster Microstories #215

This is even funnier!

Momus News

Having an Ogre for a housemate wasn’t bad, but there were cultural differences. Still, Bog was a gentle giant.

Cindy arrived home saying, “Bog? I haven’t seen Max and Maggie.”

“Who?”

“The cats.”

Bog stopped stirring the stew. “You mean the livestock?”
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Sithole, ZANU, and Zimbabwe

Funny stuff.

The Blog of Funny Names

In February, we profiled interesting world leaders, including Canaan Sodindo Banana, former president of Zimbabwe. So it should come as no surprise that the deliciously fun-sounding Zimbabwe should offer up another funny-named leader. Today we spotlight Ndabaningi Sithole (pronounced nda-va-nin-gee sitt-o-le), who in 1963 founded the Zimbabwe African National Union (ZANU), a militant organization that opposed the Rhodesian government.

http://polarch.sas.ac.uk/ http://polarch.sas.ac.uk/

It is because of people like him that Rhodesia no longer exists and is now known as Zimbabwe. It’s kind of like that old They Might Be Giants’ song Istanbul (not Constantinople).

Ndabaningi Sithole was born on July 21, 1920, in the rural area of Nyamanandhlovu. He was raised in a pagan household and spent his childhood in an isolated tribal environment. According to biography.yourdictionary.com, he was seven years old before he first saw a white person. At the age of 15, he defied his father and ran away to enter the Dadaya Mission…

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Learning about Love & Loss — from your Labradoodle

I have a 13 year old Weiner dog too. Would it be cruel to make her wear doggie diapers?

oldspouse

by Roger White

 

Here’s a quote from comedian Louis C.K. I’ve been pondering lately: “It’s true, everything that makes you happy is going to end at some point, and nothing good ends well. It’s like, if you buy a puppy, you’re bringing it home to your family saying, ‘Hey, look, everyone, we’re all gonna cry soon. Look at what I brought home. I brought home us crying in a few years.’ widdul puppyHere we go. Countdown to sorrow with a puppy.”

I’m not sure I completely agree with the “nothing good ends well” bit, but I do understand what Louis is saying about pet ownership. The animals we bring into our lives, the furry little family members we choose to share our homes and our years with, wriggle and wag and romp their way into our hearts—and then they leave us, as they must. Ralph the rotund long-haired dachshund has been…

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“Don’t Wear Dirty Underwear,” she says as I walk out the door…

terrorist captured

I can hear my mother now, “Always wear clean underwear because you never know when you might end up in an accident.”

I didn’t really think much about this until the Northridge earthquake years ago when there were images everywhere of half-naked injured people being carted off on stretchers with tattered “wife-beater” shirts and brown underwear. Yes, she was right. Lesson learned.

What I should have realized at the time was that this applied to all clothing at all times. I had an army green colored long sleeve shirt that had been hanging in my closet for years. I don’t remember who bought it for me, probably a colorblind aunt or something, but every time I pulled it out to wear, I immediately took it off and hung it back up.

ugly shirt

A couple of years ago, I was in a hurry to make the next showing of a movie at the mall and grabbed the first shirt I could get my hands on out of my closet. As fate would have it, I grabbed the green glob from hell. I must have had a half dozen men with crew cuts salute me as I walked by, not to mention the few fashion police who just shook their heads and rolled their eyes.

That got me to thinking: what if I was suddenly thrown into the spotlight and experienced my fifteen minutes of fame with that damn shirt on? Can you imagine what it would be like to live the rest of your life with that one image of yourself plastered all over the news and Internet? I can hear the neighbors now smirking under their breath, jokes in the bathroom stalls on Monday morning, my embarrassed children blushing…well, that wouldn’t be a first.

christmas sweater

I don’t normally offer advice in my blogs but I will make the exception this time. My advice to all of you out there is to get rid of every goofy looking shirt, checkered pair of pants, and ragged pair of underwear NOW. Get rid of them all, even that tacky looking Christmas sweater must go…okay, I’ll make an exception and keep that one, and maybe the bellbottoms…you never know when they might come back in style…and I might need that polyester shirt for Halloween…

The Art of Raising Hell – Book Release

Plugging my new book again…shamelessly. 🙂

Thomas Lopinski - Author

Hello Folks, I am proud to announce the official release of my second novel “The Art of Raising Hell” through Dark Alley Press. It’s a coming of age story about small town teenagers who learn to chase after life instead of being chased by it.TAORHPostcardVerticalFRONT4.33x5.59inchCMYK300dpi The paperback and ebook are available through Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Smashwords, and other venues. I plan on having an audiobook available sometime in July for those of you who prefer to listen to books. Feel free to post reviews online and spread the word to your friends, neighbors, people you meet on the streets, you name it. I hope you enjoy it.

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Positive Rants

It is way too easy to be negative. Staying positive takes work, especially, in a world where so many things are stacked against you.

The Tony Burgess Blog

Really positive people can rant too every now and then. Stuff bothers us too so we gotta let that out. How we respond to what we rant about tells something about us. It’s my thought being positive doesn’t always mean going with the flow and letting things go all the time. Really its OK let it out and hopefully solve a problem or two. Be positive even times when you have to be negative.

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50 Word Story: Single Mother

This was smart and funny,

Rohan

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” He turns around and walks away.

She’s indignant. She just told him she’s pregnant and he dumped her!

She points her wand at him and yells, “Balloonio!”

He turns into a bright blue balloon. She pops him with her freshly manicured nails.

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The Art of Raising Hell – Book Release

Hello Folks, I am proud to announce the official release of my second novel “The Art of Raising Hell” through Dark Alley Press. It’s a coming of age story about small town teenagers who learn to chase after life instead of being chased by it.TAORHPostcardVerticalFRONT4.33x5.59inchCMYK300dpi The paperback and ebook are available through Amazon.com, BarnesandNoble.com, Smashwords, and other venues. I plan on having an audiobook available sometime in July for those of you who prefer to listen to books. Feel free to post reviews online and spread the word to your friends, neighbors, people you meet on the streets, you name it. I hope you enjoy it.